[ Though she looks torn, even as she says it. Their mother did so much damage, and Jane didn't help matters. She has no idea what would have happened had she not zipped him, he might have killed her right then in that warehouse. Or he might have eventually made a better choice. She'll never know now, but in the end all that matters is that it's over. Which brings her to her final bit of news. ]
Patterson told me one more thing.
[ She smiles just a little, ducking her head and biting her lip before looking back up at her. ]
[ -- oh. at first, peggy doesn't quite know how to take the news. she reads her cues off jane's face. and because jane is smiling, however smallishly, she smiles too. and when she collects the mugs of tea, she rushes over to take a seat beside jane.
here is the moment! proper and human and nice -- peggy leaves the tea on the table and wraps a happy congratulatory hug around her friend's shoulders, drawing her in with a triumphant tightness. ]
That's wonderful news. [ she draws back, hands still settled steady on jane's arms. ] It is, isn't it? Wonderful?
[ That hug is important as hell to Jane, because she knows Peggy doesn't give them out often. In fact, she's pretty sure this is the first time they've ever hugged, even after everything that happened earlier in the year. But she nods, unable to hide exactly how happy it is. ]
The first time we tried to talk about this, everything went to hell. I left. And since then it's felt like...these impossible things were trying to keep us from this. But now I know. Now I know when we leave here, everything's going to be fine. We're finally getting what we want after my mother and my brother tried to take so much.
[ there's a moment -- just a little odd one -- where peggy presses the palm of her hand against jane's cheek. she brushes back a wave of black hair, tender and happy, before drawing back into her own space. isolated, again, but no less pleased for the woman sitting with her. ]
I take it Kurt handled the news with grace and aplomb? [ it's perhaps the gentlest she's ever talked about the other man -- kind to him, now, as she navigates jane's happiness. ]
[ It's a gesture from Peggy that makes the lump in Jane's throat tighten. She's never had a female friend quite like this. Patterson was incredible, she did the jumping up and down and drinking champagne part of the celebration. But this, the affection and tenderness, it's unlike anything else Jane's ever experienced. It makes her wish she'd had someone exactly like this to help her when she struggled after first coming out of that bag. ]
He started crying.
[ Jane laughs, but she'd cried too, so really she can't laugh too hard. ]
I did too, we were both...crying. Because of Avery, because I'm pregnant. Because we'd been afraid to even think about going home.
[ she imagines (for a moment) how freeing it must feel. to be here with the man she loved so openly and fiercely, but to be so certain that going home with him represents the next broad step in something beautiful and...
and normal! achingly normal. marriage, home, a young family. if peggy had been a crueler person, she might have felt a vicious stab of envy. but there's no room for it. anything green and jealous is crowded out by care and happiness and, above all, curiosity.
because... ]
Jane. [ peggy starts, sly-like, and tilts her head. ] You're using the present tense. Is that on purpose?
[ and, if so, what on earth does that mean for wonderland's ability to keep them all in some sort of stasis? ]
[ Jane lets out a soft breath, looking at Peggy. ]
No. Patterson's about six months ahead of me now. But with the way time works, with how different it is and with how--
[ Impossible it feels given where she's at from home right now. ]
With the way things are for us back home where we're at, it feels like we got past it and we're here now, happy and done with Roman and having a baby.
[ She wants it to be now; she's never really wanted to leave Wonderland before because both times she's arrived, she and Kurt have worked through something potentially devastating. But now...]
I'll have to wait and see if Wonderland kicks me out and brings me back to say I am pregnant, I guess.
[ it almost makes her wish she'd poured a stiffer drink as she imagines it. a soft sigh; a sip of tea. ]
Eternally pregnant. Well, for as long as one resides here. [ a puff of her cheeks. ] Perhaps it's best you not get kicked out and dragged back with baby on board. You wouldn't want to spend every morning here getting sick.
[ she doesn't need to be told. oh, once upon a time, she mightn't have thought to make the assumption -- but since then, she's learned a great deal about the magnetism of a happy moment. of how joy and relief drive people into each other's arms with almost the same power as anguish and pain. ]
I'm honoured. Honestly, I am. [ as if simply saying it wasn't true enough -- peggy laces her fingers with jane's and squeezes tight. ] Jane, it means a lot that this is news you'd want to share with me.
[ Even though wishing is pointless, she knows, and she lets out a soft breath. ]
I wish we were from the same time. The same world. I don't have a friend like you.
[ She loves Patterson, so much, but this is a different level altogether with Peggy. Jane isn't even sure she can explain how it's different, maybe just that the only history Jane's ever had with Peggy is positive with no brief wonderings if Jane's actually a terrible person. ]
[ the wish to be together, yes, but more importantly the realization that she's never had a friend quite like her. oh, she's got the howlies and she's got howard and there will always be angie waiting for her in new york but...
peggy feels as if those friends only ever got pieces of her. planes of herself that she puts forward like a best foot -- unwilling to let them all in on the same secrets of herself. it doesn't happen with jane. too often, too sharply, she feels a kinship with this woman. ]
If only so that I could get a glimpse of you as a new mum. [ soft, lilting, almost girlish -- peggy indulges this piece of her so rarely. ] That'll be a sight.
[ She grins, glad to be able to do this, to tease and just be happy. ]
Luckily, I've been a stepmom for a while. Bethany was born right before Kurt and I got married.
[ Yeah the timing on Kurt having a baby with another woman is uh...suspect, but whatever. ]
She's three now and we haven't seen her in a while just because...Roman did use her once, to get to us, so we thought it was better if we didn't. That little girl has thrown up on me, more than once, and after that it feels like I can handle anything. Almost.
[ she smiles. because, yes, she absolutely means precisely that: let her see her dear friend grow and widen with life and potential and opportunity. with what's normal. in the family way!
and it's pleasant enough that peggy won't nitpick at the details, at the timeline, nor even at what's mentioned about roman. because she doesn't dare tip over this good mood. jane's earned it, she decides. ]
You'll be tremendous. [ she has no doubt of it. ] You have so much love to give.
[ Jane's features soften an incredible amount at that and she reaches out to squeeze Peggy's hand. ]
Thank you. I have Avery back and that's...it's incredible, but she's grown up, she doesn't need me the way she used to, so to have this, to start again and know it won't be taken away? That's the best part.
-- Daughters always need their mothers. [ peggy, quite on instinct, touches the little golden medallion she's nearly always worn around her neck. ] Or a mother, I suppose, of some variety. Blood or otherwise. It's only the way in which they're needed that changes.
[ it's a bit of a tough topic. she knows, after all, that jane's experience as a daughter is leagues more complicated than her experience as a mother may be. but it's not biology that makes it important; it's love.
this is about looking forward. not looking back. ]
[ Jane isn't sure who that mother figure is for her anymore. But maybe she doesn't need one. She is the mother now, and maybe that's what she has to focus on. Avery has her, and her baby will have her. Shepherd is irrelevant to the equation now. ]
You know, if you were there, with me at home and we had this, I'd...
[ Is this appropriate to say? God, she hopes so, and Jane continues. ]
I'd make you godmother. If you wanted to be, of course. And it doesn't even matter here. I know it's a weird thing to even bring up, considering.
[ something sweet and warm steals over her. and for not the first time this month, peggy's heart seems to seize with too much love. she used to be better (she knows) at keeping herself divorced from so much sentimentality. she wasn't without her connections back home, of course, but they were kept distant and minimal and always just a touch too frigid. even angie was left at arm's reach. for her own good, always.
peggy's breath catches. after a moment, she remembers to exhale. raw feeling gives way to something wry and protective. defensive only because she's unaccustomed to feeling quite this happy. ]
...A year ago, I would have laughed you out of the room.
[ and that's the truth. peggy carter, someone's godmum? ]
But for better or worse, Tony Stark is proof that I can be something to someone's child. [ so peggy slumps; she smiles. ] You say it doesn't matter here, Jane, but I think it actually matters quite a lot. The trust is there, after all, even if the duty isn't.
[ which is her very careful way of saying yes, god, of course she's accept. ]
[ Without thinking too much about it, Jane reaches over and wraps Peggy in a hug. She really loves this woman, her friend, the person who protected her fiercely and a friend whom Jane would do the exact same for. But, best not push it all tonight and overwhelm them both with admissions and words. The same feeling will still be there the next time good news abounds.
She should think differently maybe, that people disappear in Wonderland all the time and everyone should know how you feel at any given moment, but her mood is too light, too happy, for it to cross her mind. ]
Maybe I should be thanking Tony Stark, then, for softening you up.
[ Jane's teasing, and she pulls back. ]
I trust you. With everything.
[ Her fears, her tattoos, her burdens. It means a lot to her that in return, Peggy has trusted her with so very much. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Though she looks torn, even as she says it. Their mother did so much damage, and Jane didn't help matters. She has no idea what would have happened had she not zipped him, he might have killed her right then in that warehouse. Or he might have eventually made a better choice. She'll never know now, but in the end all that matters is that it's over. Which brings her to her final bit of news. ]
Patterson told me one more thing.
[ She smiles just a little, ducking her head and biting her lip before looking back up at her. ]
I'm pregnant.
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here is the moment! proper and human and nice -- peggy leaves the tea on the table and wraps a happy congratulatory hug around her friend's shoulders, drawing her in with a triumphant tightness. ]
That's wonderful news. [ she draws back, hands still settled steady on jane's arms. ] It is, isn't it? Wonderful?
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The first time we tried to talk about this, everything went to hell. I left. And since then it's felt like...these impossible things were trying to keep us from this. But now I know. Now I know when we leave here, everything's going to be fine. We're finally getting what we want after my mother and my brother tried to take so much.
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I take it Kurt handled the news with grace and aplomb? [ it's perhaps the gentlest she's ever talked about the other man -- kind to him, now, as she navigates jane's happiness. ]
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He started crying.
[ Jane laughs, but she'd cried too, so really she can't laugh too hard. ]
I did too, we were both...crying. Because of Avery, because I'm pregnant. Because we'd been afraid to even think about going home.
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and normal! achingly normal. marriage, home, a young family. if peggy had been a crueler person, she might have felt a vicious stab of envy. but there's no room for it. anything green and jealous is crowded out by care and happiness and, above all, curiosity.
because... ]
Jane. [ peggy starts, sly-like, and tilts her head. ] You're using the present tense. Is that on purpose?
[ and, if so, what on earth does that mean for wonderland's ability to keep them all in some sort of stasis? ]
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No. Patterson's about six months ahead of me now. But with the way time works, with how different it is and with how--
[ Impossible it feels given where she's at from home right now. ]
With the way things are for us back home where we're at, it feels like we got past it and we're here now, happy and done with Roman and having a baby.
[ She wants it to be now; she's never really wanted to leave Wonderland before because both times she's arrived, she and Kurt have worked through something potentially devastating. But now...]
I'll have to wait and see if Wonderland kicks me out and brings me back to say I am pregnant, I guess.
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[ it almost makes her wish she'd poured a stiffer drink as she imagines it. a soft sigh; a sip of tea. ]
Eternally pregnant. Well, for as long as one resides here. [ a puff of her cheeks. ] Perhaps it's best you not get kicked out and dragged back with baby on board. You wouldn't want to spend every morning here getting sick.
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Jane sips her tea, letting out a soft breath. ]
As soon as I was done telling Kurt, I wanted you to know. All of it.
[ 'as soon as I was done' actually means as soon as they were putting their clothes back on, but whatever, Peggy doesn't need to know that part. ]
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I'm honoured. Honestly, I am. [ as if simply saying it wasn't true enough -- peggy laces her fingers with jane's and squeezes tight. ] Jane, it means a lot that this is news you'd want to share with me.
[ openly. freely. eagerly. ]
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[ Even though wishing is pointless, she knows, and she lets out a soft breath. ]
I wish we were from the same time. The same world. I don't have a friend like you.
[ She loves Patterson, so much, but this is a different level altogether with Peggy. Jane isn't even sure she can explain how it's different, maybe just that the only history Jane's ever had with Peggy is positive with no brief wonderings if Jane's actually a terrible person. ]
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[ the wish to be together, yes, but more importantly the realization that she's never had a friend quite like her. oh, she's got the howlies and she's got howard and there will always be angie waiting for her in new york but...
peggy feels as if those friends only ever got pieces of her. planes of herself that she puts forward like a best foot -- unwilling to let them all in on the same secrets of herself. it doesn't happen with jane. too often, too sharply, she feels a kinship with this woman. ]
If only so that I could get a glimpse of you as a new mum. [ soft, lilting, almost girlish -- peggy indulges this piece of her so rarely. ] That'll be a sight.
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[ She grins, glad to be able to do this, to tease and just be happy. ]
Luckily, I've been a stepmom for a while. Bethany was born right before Kurt and I got married.
[ Yeah the timing on Kurt having a baby with another woman is uh...suspect, but whatever. ]
She's three now and we haven't seen her in a while just because...Roman did use her once, to get to us, so we thought it was better if we didn't. That little girl has thrown up on me, more than once, and after that it feels like I can handle anything. Almost.
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and it's pleasant enough that peggy won't nitpick at the details, at the timeline, nor even at what's mentioned about roman. because she doesn't dare tip over this good mood. jane's earned it, she decides. ]
You'll be tremendous. [ she has no doubt of it. ] You have so much love to give.
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Thank you. I have Avery back and that's...it's incredible, but she's grown up, she doesn't need me the way she used to, so to have this, to start again and know it won't be taken away? That's the best part.
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[ it's a bit of a tough topic. she knows, after all, that jane's experience as a daughter is leagues more complicated than her experience as a mother may be. but it's not biology that makes it important; it's love.
this is about looking forward. not looking back. ]
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You know, if you were there, with me at home and we had this, I'd...
[ Is this appropriate to say? God, she hopes so, and Jane continues. ]
I'd make you godmother. If you wanted to be, of course. And it doesn't even matter here. I know it's a weird thing to even bring up, considering.
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peggy's breath catches. after a moment, she remembers to exhale. raw feeling gives way to something wry and protective. defensive only because she's unaccustomed to feeling quite this happy. ]
...A year ago, I would have laughed you out of the room.
[ and that's the truth. peggy carter, someone's godmum? ]
But for better or worse, Tony Stark is proof that I can be something to someone's child. [ so peggy slumps; she smiles. ] You say it doesn't matter here, Jane, but I think it actually matters quite a lot. The trust is there, after all, even if the duty isn't.
[ which is her very careful way of saying yes, god, of course she's accept. ]
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She should think differently maybe, that people disappear in Wonderland all the time and everyone should know how you feel at any given moment, but her mood is too light, too happy, for it to cross her mind. ]
Maybe I should be thanking Tony Stark, then, for softening you up.
[ Jane's teasing, and she pulls back. ]
I trust you. With everything.
[ Her fears, her tattoos, her burdens. It means a lot to her that in return, Peggy has trusted her with so very much. ]