Fourteen months. [ she gives him a low whistle -- the kind of whistle one might exchange with a close personal friend upon learning just how much accidental credit card debt they've accrued while on a dangerously drunk shopping spree. she means to impart a slice of familiarity between them, although they're little more than strangers.
maybe, just maybe, she'll get him looking in her eyes by the end of this trip. ]
That's nothing to sneeze at. I suppose you've seen all the peaks and all the valleys this experience can offer a person.
[Her technique is solid. She's attempting to get him to relax, so that he'll say more. She's so good at this. It's the kind of work he's only ever read about.
Shame that her granddaughter hadn't picked up those same subtleties.]
M-mostly valleys, if I'm to be honest. Especially after... Well. Everyone saw it.
[ it's not the first time this conversation where he's started a sentence in one place only to shift it, mid-construction, to somewhere else. peggy wonders whether it's a nervous tic; alternatively, he may be the sort of person who edits his thoughts on the fly. what had daisy said? ah -- yes. the other past-colleagues of hers present in wonderland had been part of the science division.
well. for what's it's worth, agent fitz is already leagues less infuriating to speak with than samberly. and considerably less odious than howard. ]
I'm not certain 'everyone' did. [ at least, she doesn't yet draw a line to what this it might be, vaguely defined as it is. ] What are you talking about?
[ a little abrupt, maybe. but she sees an opening and introduces a wedge. ]
[It's a bit of both, actually. He's in a constant state of self-critique, especially now, and especially in the presence of SHIELD royalty. If Peggy Carter has questions, he wants to give the most productive answers he possibly can.]
The, ah -- the post on the network. About the portal.
[His head drops lower, and he fusses to reach behind him and pull his network device from his back pocket.]
It all spiraled out of control so quickly -- I'd lost access to the key components that could have stopped the process early enough.
[ it is so bloody rare to catch her quite so thoroughly off her guard. and yet here she is, left fighting to keep surprise off her face. ]
That was you. [ she'd heard someone had done something with a portal -- that it had triggered whatever mess was happening with the mirrors, at the time. she'd been so freshly arrived and trying to cope with a hundred other jarring revelations that she hadn't done her proper homework on that one.
frankly, once she'd learned steve rogers was alive? so many things flew straight out the window of whatever dank and musty mental office peggy carter kept her priorities. ]
Good God, you are clever. Aren't you. [ yes, it'd been a spectacular failure. but she's not blind to the fact that whoever had set that mess up must still harbour remarkable talent and capability. arguably, the only person she's witnessed muck something up quite so badly has been howard bloody stark.
so perhaps this isn't the reaction he was looking for. ]
[He shrinks back physically at that, shoulders creeping up near his ears. She hadn't known. She hadn't known and that was how he'd told her. And now Peggy Carter is disappointed in him. She's going to judge all of SHIELD's future on the basis of his actions and his failures and--
Wait, what was that last part? He opens one eye, glancing up to her face.]
I -- well. I wouldn't say that much, but -- I. um...
[He has no idea what to say, but syllables keep happening anyway.]
[ unhelpfully, perhaps, peggy says nothing. it's not that she's got nothing to say. quite the opposite; however, he's dangling on the end of an unfinished sentence once more, and she's not inclined to prop him up by filling his blanks in for him.
curious and polite she may be, but her praise hadn't intended to coddle him.
so she waits -- one hand settled on her hip -- and watches him fish around for the rest of his words. ]
Wrecked, yes. I'd gathered as much. [ but fourteen months of work, shattered and bent beyond use -- worse yet, tainted in the eyes of the 'public'. a pr nightmare and a great deal of effort blowing in the wind. peggy's no scientist, despite knowing enough to get by in her line of work, but she can appreciate the weight of such failure.
poor fitz; you've rather gone and mucked it up, haven't you? ]
Do you intend to start it back up again? Your project?
[ she doubts he does. and if he did, she doubts he'd admit it to her. a clever clog would set that urge aside immediately -- but the smartest are not always the cleverest. either way, peggy suspects the optics alone would make him abandon that mission. ]
[He shakes his head, but doesn't even attempt speech this time. The question rubs salt in a very open wound, and he's not yet up to trying to talk around it. He chews on the edge of his bottom lip instead.
[ and with that, she begins poking around the inn -- pulling open drawers and checking cabinets. what are the chances they might find themselves a decent little mini-bar in this establishment? one can only hope. ]
We make our mistakes, Agent Fitz. And we take our lumps. And we learn from them. [ isn't that science, boiled down to its abjectly common denominator? ] I suppose I ought to be angrier about what happened but -- let's be honest. That right rests with the people who've been here longer. I've no doubt they've given you a hard enough time already.
[ it's their status quo which had been shaken. for peggy, she'd known nothing else of wonderland but the chaos into which she'd stepped. ]
[Even in the grips of his humiliating defeat, there's a secret little thrill that comes alongside hearing his title in Peggy Carter's voice. She's not immediately disowning him.]
Heavens, no. [ she doesn't mean to laugh; nevertheless, she chuckles a sharp and percussive sound. more breath than laughter. ] I haven't got any students. Not a one.
[ -- which, as far as she's concerned, is for the best. peggy can't stomach the idea of rearing little would-be spies underfoot. who has the time? who has the patience? ]
Not yet. [ a beat. ] I hear that changes. In time.
SHIELD's done quite a lot of good over the years. It's been threatened a few times recently, but we're all proud to keep it going. We've no intention of letting your legacy die, Ma'am.
[It flows naturally, without a single stutter. Of this much, he's certain.]
[ -- much more confidently done. she can't help but feel a curl of warmth under her ribs when he describes it so simply but so favourably. she only knows a little of what's to come. as harrowing and sickening as the word 'legacy' sounds in her ears (what intelligence operative ever wants to leave behind so indelible a print on the world?) peggy can't help but feel a fraction of the goodwill he intends. ]
I've been warned I shouldn't learn too much about what that entails -- seventy years, isn't it? That's a damn long time. [ nothing to sneeze at. ] But...thank you. All the same.
[ maybe she needed to hear that. broad strokes, without details. just some mild assurance that maybe, just maybe, she'd left the world a bit better than she'd found it. ]
Well that's bloody rubbish, isn't it. Spacetime won't change if someone becomes aware of it. For all we know, knowing about the future is what inspires you to start working with young spies in the first place.
[Disproving the theories of lesser scientists might be another point of comfort for him.]
[ she holds up a hand. just one, and just to forestall fitz's tirade. under other circumstances, the jutting and curt disagreement might have been downright endearing. when pressed, she rather appreciates the stubborn sort. but when it's her future on the docket? ]
Hold on, hold on. [ a quiet request for forbearance. ] Imagine, please, that you're the one who's been informed you've got a blood relative from some seven decades later running around. An impossible one, at that. Everything I've learned since arriving requires considerable adjustment.
[ it's not always about the science, agent fitz. sometimes it's about just how many heartaches a person can suffer in one conversation -- and all of them leaving her helpless in the face of what's preordained. ]
[He falls silent at her signal, and pauses to consider things as they're said. His left arm reaches over to cup the elbow of his right.]
I'd be proud to hear that we lived long enough to start families at all, really. That any of us did. There aren't many guarantees in the sort of work we do.
[ -- perhaps he's right. perhaps she should be proud. but the circumstances still keep her up at night. sharon's not her direct descendant, but rather the granddaughter of a brother she'd assumed dead. a brother who therefore must be alive somewhere back home. where? why hasn't he come to her?
peggy shakes her head; now isn't the time to wrestle with those demons. ]
There aren't, no. [ no guarantees at all, in fact. ] But if I understand SHIELD correctly [ intelligence work; spycraft ] then our work also doesn't lend much patience for listening to near-strangers tell you about your own life.
[ you know, he's been so forthcoming all on his own. peggy didn't think she'd tell this much -- but maybe he deserves a bit of quid pro quo for how readily he'd answered her interrogation earlier. ]
I don't much care for being recognized. Rather feels a bit like failure.
[ yes, dear fitz. go ahead and do the thing she just described as difficult to stomach. there's a tightening in her jaw but -- well, she tries not to blame him. too much. ]
Which doesn't mean half as much in 1947 as it seems to do in -- [ beat ] -- what's your year?
[ in hers, she's a headache to her superiors. a rogue element, forced to work outside of the ssr's good graces because if she didn't? nothing would get done. but it comes with her own slew of spectacular failures, none of which she'll offer freely to fitz by way of explanation.
oh -- and then there's the bit where to some she's still little more than captain america's sweetheart. ]
I suppose it's inevitable. [ as much as she hates inevitability. but that's another kettle of fish. ] What about you -- how do you feel, lagging behind the rest?
[ she doubts it's by some seven decades but it might be nice to be alone in his camp when it comes to their particular home world. ]
It -- can be a bit frustrating, I suppose. One of them... There's something she won't tell me. It's a bit like trying to put together a puzzle to find out what's gotten her so upset.
[ more than pride, then, at what might follow after a person's particular place in time. maybe that's why fitz had reacted as he had to her reluctance to learn more. for her part, she thinks she's learned quite enough. for the time being. but now he's like a puzzle -- a cryptic crossword she's keen to solve. because until she does, she can only guess at his motives and measures. ]
And you would rather know. Fair enough.
[ maybe peggy would have felt the same if that information had been purposefully restricted from her rather than offered up on a platter. the lure of a mystery would have overcome her better angels. but now, with so much intelligence dumped at her feet, she feels herself resenting how easily some people will divulge things.
she's a fickle creature. ]
Perhaps whoever it is would rather not see you equally upset.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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maybe, just maybe, she'll get him looking in her eyes by the end of this trip. ]
That's nothing to sneeze at. I suppose you've seen all the peaks and all the valleys this experience can offer a person.
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Shame that her granddaughter hadn't picked up those same subtleties.]
M-mostly valleys, if I'm to be honest. Especially after... Well. Everyone saw it.
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well. for what's it's worth, agent fitz is already leagues less infuriating to speak with than samberly. and considerably less odious than howard. ]
I'm not certain 'everyone' did. [ at least, she doesn't yet draw a line to what this it might be, vaguely defined as it is. ] What are you talking about?
[ a little abrupt, maybe. but she sees an opening and introduces a wedge. ]
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The, ah -- the post on the network. About the portal.
[His head drops lower, and he fusses to reach behind him and pull his network device from his back pocket.]
It all spiraled out of control so quickly -- I'd lost access to the key components that could have stopped the process early enough.
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That was you. [ she'd heard someone had done something with a portal -- that it had triggered whatever mess was happening with the mirrors, at the time. she'd been so freshly arrived and trying to cope with a hundred other jarring revelations that she hadn't done her proper homework on that one.
frankly, once she'd learned steve rogers was alive? so many things flew straight out the window of whatever dank and musty mental office peggy carter kept her priorities. ]
Good God, you are clever. Aren't you. [ yes, it'd been a spectacular failure. but she's not blind to the fact that whoever had set that mess up must still harbour remarkable talent and capability. arguably, the only person she's witnessed muck something up quite so badly has been howard bloody stark.
so perhaps this isn't the reaction he was looking for. ]
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Wait, what was that last part? He opens one eye, glancing up to her face.]
I -- well. I wouldn't say that much, but -- I. um...
[He has no idea what to say, but syllables keep happening anyway.]
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curious and polite she may be, but her praise hadn't intended to coddle him.
so she waits -- one hand settled on her hip -- and watches him fish around for the rest of his words. ]
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There's nothing now, and it makes his bad hand go a little twitchy.]
-- it. was a project I've been working on since I'd arrived here. And -- it's been. The lab's -- it's gone now.
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poor fitz; you've rather gone and mucked it up, haven't you? ]
Do you intend to start it back up again? Your project?
[ she doubts he does. and if he did, she doubts he'd admit it to her. a clever clog would set that urge aside immediately -- but the smartest are not always the cleverest. either way, peggy suspects the optics alone would make him abandon that mission. ]
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Not now. Not even for Peggy Carter.]
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[ and with that, she begins poking around the inn -- pulling open drawers and checking cabinets. what are the chances they might find themselves a decent little mini-bar in this establishment? one can only hope. ]
We make our mistakes, Agent Fitz. And we take our lumps. And we learn from them. [ isn't that science, boiled down to its abjectly common denominator? ] I suppose I ought to be angrier about what happened but -- let's be honest. That right rests with the people who've been here longer. I've no doubt they've given you a hard enough time already.
[ it's their status quo which had been shaken. for peggy, she'd known nothing else of wonderland but the chaos into which she'd stepped. ]
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[Even in the grips of his humiliating defeat, there's a secret little thrill that comes alongside hearing his title in Peggy Carter's voice. She's not immediately disowning him.]
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[ -- which, as far as she's concerned, is for the best. peggy can't stomach the idea of rearing little would-be spies underfoot. who has the time? who has the patience? ]
Not yet. [ a beat. ] I hear that changes. In time.
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SHIELD's done quite a lot of good over the years. It's been threatened a few times recently, but we're all proud to keep it going. We've no intention of letting your legacy die, Ma'am.
[It flows naturally, without a single stutter. Of this much, he's certain.]
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I've been warned I shouldn't learn too much about what that entails -- seventy years, isn't it? That's a damn long time. [ nothing to sneeze at. ] But...thank you. All the same.
[ maybe she needed to hear that. broad strokes, without details. just some mild assurance that maybe, just maybe, she'd left the world a bit better than she'd found it. ]
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[Disproving the theories of lesser scientists might be another point of comfort for him.]
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Hold on, hold on. [ a quiet request for forbearance. ] Imagine, please, that you're the one who's been informed you've got a blood relative from some seven decades later running around. An impossible one, at that. Everything I've learned since arriving requires considerable adjustment.
[ it's not always about the science, agent fitz. sometimes it's about just how many heartaches a person can suffer in one conversation -- and all of them leaving her helpless in the face of what's preordained. ]
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I'd be proud to hear that we lived long enough to start families at all, really. That any of us did. There aren't many guarantees in the sort of work we do.
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peggy shakes her head; now isn't the time to wrestle with those demons. ]
There aren't, no. [ no guarantees at all, in fact. ] But if I understand SHIELD correctly [ intelligence work; spycraft ] then our work also doesn't lend much patience for listening to near-strangers tell you about your own life.
[ you know, he's been so forthcoming all on his own. peggy didn't think she'd tell this much -- but maybe he deserves a bit of quid pro quo for how readily he'd answered her interrogation earlier. ]
I don't much care for being recognized. Rather feels a bit like failure.
[ like a cover being blown. ]
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But. You're Peggy Carter.
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Which doesn't mean half as much in 1947 as it seems to do in -- [ beat ] -- what's your year?
[ in hers, she's a headache to her superiors. a rogue element, forced to work outside of the ssr's good graces because if she didn't? nothing would get done. but it comes with her own slew of spectacular failures, none of which she'll offer freely to fitz by way of explanation.
oh -- and then there's the bit where to some she's still little more than captain america's sweetheart. ]
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Oh -- I. It was 2015 when I left. But I seem to be the farthest behind, as far as my team is concerned.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
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I suppose it's inevitable. [ as much as she hates inevitability. but that's another kettle of fish. ] What about you -- how do you feel, lagging behind the rest?
[ she doubts it's by some seven decades but it might be nice to be alone in his camp when it comes to their particular home world. ]
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And you would rather know. Fair enough.
[ maybe peggy would have felt the same if that information had been purposefully restricted from her rather than offered up on a platter. the lure of a mystery would have overcome her better angels. but now, with so much intelligence dumped at her feet, she feels herself resenting how easily some people will divulge things.
she's a fickle creature. ]
Perhaps whoever it is would rather not see you equally upset.
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