mucked | ( IC INBOX )

[ He never expected, or wanted, her to find out about him in the manner that she had. Maybe someone can't truly understand that he's a monster until they're looking him dead in the eye. It's a hard lesson, wondering if they can ever trust again. Who the hell could trust someone who can break your ribs with a single punch? ]

I heard a voice in my head. [ Most thoughts lead to the Atroma, but there's still a part of him that wonders if he imagined it. But why, after so long being okay? ]

A woman. I couldn't block it out. Then everything went dark and I woke up on the Red Fish.

[ He knows the damage done in between, and clearly people are still dealing with his wreckage. Maybe he won't see anyone about his arm. He's, at the very least, easier to take down now. ]

[ her throat is tight. peggy asks the questions he knows she shouldn't ask, but it tumbles out regardless. sometimes, her nature gets the better of her: ] Everything went dark. Barnes, [ -- that name, it chokes her up. ]

Do you remember what happened?

[ each blow. each stride. each hijacked action. ]

If I said yes?

[ He looks at her very briefly, then turns his attention back onto the intricate pattern in the woodwork on the table near him. It's something to focus on that's not the face disappointed in him.

The truth is, he really doesn't remember- not much. Nor anything useful. Some of it is coming back, but he's been able to fill in the holes with the network and the path of destruction that finally ended in the gym.

Some of the faces have started to come back in nightmares, though he doesn't trust its accuracy. ]

Then I would feel sorry for you, James Barnes. [ her confession came out like one low breath. ] Because that would be a great deal of awful to remember. Better to not recall any of it.

[ He only offers the shrug of his right shoulder.

As far as things he's got to remember goes, hurting people who didn't deserve it or were only trying to help is low on the list of really fucked up memory.

She can feel sorry for him all she wants, that's not his problem. He doesn't want her pity, but if that's what their friendship has become, then it's his fault. ]

[ her arms cross. her chin lifts. ]

Tell me. Have you been talking more with that professor? The one who believes he can help?

Charles. We've talked.

I confess, his 'powers' make me nervous -- but...[ for a moment, she seems at a rare loss for her words. ] Tell me, has what happened at all influenced how you see his offer of help?

It's already done.

[ Gone for help and fixed it, to his knowledge. ]

[ well, then. there's a flash in her eyes. ]

And?

[ ...was it a success? ]

He said he retired the mission protocols.

[ Honestly, he can't tell whether it worked or not. He certainly doesn't feel any different. ]

But you can't be certain. [ i can't be certain, more like. ] Still, it's worth feeling hopeful for. He seemed terribly certain of his...art.

He wouldn't lie. If he couldn't do it, he'd say so.

[ The trust in Charles is new from the last time they spoke, certainly. He was wary of the telepath before, but now he'll defend him tooth and nail. ]

Lie? No. [ ... ] I'm more concerned as to whether he's oversold his abilities. I want to trust in his confidence, I really do. But --

[ at long last, her expression turns into a wry half-smile. ] I'm not ashamed to say I have a hard time trusting others.

He hasn't oversold anything. He was in my head and he didn't do anything other than what he said he'd do.

[ Charles is the first person to ever look out for him in that way. It's still remarkable to him, though Peggy might not see it the way he does. ]

And yet, we'll never know. Not for certain. [ ... ] I suppose that's an uncertainty I can live with. It's not as though we can be certain of many things in this life, or any other.

I trust him at his word. [ That's all there is to it. ]

-- Then I suppose I ought to, as well. For your sake, if not for anyone else's. [ but this conclusion is tersely voiced. as though peggy feels painted into a corner, forced to accept the man's abilities without fully believing in them.

and yet she'd always maintained that the choice had to be winter's. isn't this what she wanted?

so why is she so dissatisfied? ]

He has my gratitude. Steve's, too, I imagine. We thought we might have lost you.

[ again. ]

He saw everything. When we were on the Iskaulit and he was trying to bring me back.

[ Bucky studies the woodwork of the table, shaking his head in disbelief. ]

After all that, he still wanted to help.

-- Would you ever have expected anything different from him?

[ the man is loyal to a fault. ]

I don't expect anything from anyone.

[ There's no let-down if you expect the bare minimum of human decency. Even if they fuck you over, the burn isn't as bad. ]

Expecting nothing, you know, is still a sort of expectation.

[ just a very sad one. ]

I don't know what else to tell you.

[ He shakes his head, feeling defeated. ]

-- You could tell me this is has all amounted to one great step forward, and not one giant slide backwards.

[ almost pleading, really. she wants good news. ]

Would that make you feel better if I did?

[ Because he honestly doesn't know how to feel. He trusts Charles, had gotten help from him, although some people still hold reservations about him. Hell, he's not a stranger to that, either. Everyone else is.. making him doubt he's made any sort of progress at all. Like his judgement can't be trusted. ]

I should leave.

(no subject)

mucked - 2016-08-29 10:21 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

reconstitution - 2016-08-29 16:17 (UTC) - Expand