❰ '47. not too long after he'd fallen, then, not even close to when she'd married her husband. if it's not him who's around paying for her pretty skirts, who is?
she answers that question with her next sentence. someone else from this pocket dimension she was brought from, most likely.
none of that is important. what's important is what she is telling him, not what she isn't — there are things he'd never intended to pass on to her that she already knows, people he'd thought about introducing who she's already met. there are hundreds of possible events and people peggy could be thinking of, but steve's first thought, as always, turns to bucky.
quietly, achingly: ❱ We should have looked for him.
❰ after the train, before the assault on schmidt's fortress — they should have looked, instead of giving bucky up for dead. it's an argument he's had with bucky multiple times here already, but no one else could possibly understand the magnitude of the guilt that lives inside him now — no one but peggy.
but she needed help from him, and steve has worried at this problem long enough. he takes a deep breath, shakes his head, and banishes all thoughts of guilt for another day. ❱
[ she shouldn't be so surprised that his instincts would tick (again) towards barnes. but it doesn't change how his line makes her mouth go dry and every last nerve seems to constrict with a cocktail of frustration and regret. it's not his fault. it's not his fault. this him, this version of him, wasn't the one who split her heart in two.
but perhaps it's telling how she doesn't rise to meet steve in his moment of confession. funny, really, how she can offer up a wellspring of carefully articulated sympathy for barnes himself but she can't bring herself to discuss the subject here and now.
so it's a blessing that he reins the conversation back to that first painful admission: she needs his help. ]
I'd prefer not to explain these circumstances to anyone and everyone. People tend not to like hearing they've been met before but simply don't remember it. [ bad enough that she's imply as much to steve -- but it's a burden she's calculated that he can bear. ] It would be helpful if I could explain away any future knowledge -- any recognition of Avengers or SHIELD agents -- by letting people believe you told me.
[ the words come so easily to her. too easily. although she rushes past them in a bid to secure his cooperation -- an almost hopeful look stealing over her face. ]
❰ what is it they always say about duplicity? solace is found in the lies we tell each other. yes, steve would become a liar for peggy. he'd do worse for her, if she asked, but this is a small thing. it will spare others the awkwardness he feels now, wondering what versions of him she's met, how many times they'd had a reunion like the one after orientation. no one else needs to deal with this, and peggy should be able to forge new relationships. a little lying now will help more than it hurts.
it still doesn't feel good, to lean into duplicity's motto quite so hard. ❱
Yeah, of course. That's — that's easy, Peggy, that's fine. I thought I was going to have to help you hide a body, ❰ he says, smiling, even if he doesn't quite feel it and he knows peggy carter is perfectly capable of dealing with her own bodies. ❱
[ except it very much is. in a bid to isolate him from the greyer aspects of her business, peggy already knows a call like that one would land somewhere else first. not that she would dare tell steve as much.
he says it's easy. she almost wants to warn him of the scope of what she knows. the nitty-gritties. about the hydra uprising, about the parts of shield that survived, about her own death. although... ]
You ought to tell me what year it last was. For you. [ she turns on a heel; she gestures with a hand. ] I've no intention of inadvertently telling you something you yourself shouldn't know.
[ her confidence is smooth and cemented: peggy carter treats it like a matter of fact that she might very well know more about the 21st century than he does. ]
It was 2014, ❰ he says, though now he's frowning. that peggy wouldn't tell him about his own future is... not necessarily surprising, but considering what they're talking about it does seem rather unfair. she's allowed to know things she shouldn't, but he isn't?
that begs the question: what's so terrible about his own future she'd refuse to tell him? ❱
I'd... Project Insight was thwarted. That's the last thing I remember from home.
❰ he hadn't missed the way she neatly avoided commenting on bucky. bringing him up again, rehashing the fight on the helicarrier — it's pointless, and apparently not something peggy wants to hear about. fair enough; he'll keep it succinct. ❱
[ 2014. there's a moment -- just a moment -- as she does the math. rather than let her breath catch, peggy presses her (red, well-lipstick'd) mouth into a stern line. hydra's only just dragged its fetid tentacles into the light of day. the avengers are still a cohesive unit.
...peggy wonders whether she's still alive. her funeral was always one of the few details she'd almost willingly avoided pinning to a particular date. ]
I've learned details from as far forward as 2018.
[ and steve's not wrong. it's all terribly unfair. but she's walked this gauntlet before him -- experiencing the pain that might accompany learning things out of order -- and every time it happens, now, she finds herself that little bit more understanding of rip hunter's inclination towards chronological stewardship. to that end: ]
But it can be dangerous to know too much about one's own future. Lord knows I have enough experience to testify to that effect some ten times over.
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no subject
she answers that question with her next sentence. someone else from this pocket dimension she was brought from, most likely.
none of that is important. what's important is what she is telling him, not what she isn't — there are things he'd never intended to pass on to her that she already knows, people he'd thought about introducing who she's already met. there are hundreds of possible events and people peggy could be thinking of, but steve's first thought, as always, turns to bucky.
quietly, achingly: ❱ We should have looked for him.
❰ after the train, before the assault on schmidt's fortress — they should have looked, instead of giving bucky up for dead. it's an argument he's had with bucky multiple times here already, but no one else could possibly understand the magnitude of the guilt that lives inside him now — no one but peggy.
but she needed help from him, and steve has worried at this problem long enough. he takes a deep breath, shakes his head, and banishes all thoughts of guilt for another day. ❱
What do you need from me?
no subject
but perhaps it's telling how she doesn't rise to meet steve in his moment of confession. funny, really, how she can offer up a wellspring of carefully articulated sympathy for barnes himself but she can't bring herself to discuss the subject here and now.
so it's a blessing that he reins the conversation back to that first painful admission: she needs his help. ]
I'd prefer not to explain these circumstances to anyone and everyone. People tend not to like hearing they've been met before but simply don't remember it. [ bad enough that she's imply as much to steve -- but it's a burden she's calculated that he can bear. ] It would be helpful if I could explain away any future knowledge -- any recognition of Avengers or SHIELD agents -- by letting people believe you told me.
[ the words come so easily to her. too easily. although she rushes past them in a bid to secure his cooperation -- an almost hopeful look stealing over her face. ]
no subject
it still doesn't feel good, to lean into duplicity's motto quite so hard. ❱
Yeah, of course. That's — that's easy, Peggy, that's fine. I thought I was going to have to help you hide a body, ❰ he says, smiling, even if he doesn't quite feel it and he knows peggy carter is perfectly capable of dealing with her own bodies. ❱
no subject
[ except it very much is. in a bid to isolate him from the greyer aspects of her business, peggy already knows a call like that one would land somewhere else first. not that she would dare tell steve as much.
he says it's easy. she almost wants to warn him of the scope of what she knows. the nitty-gritties. about the hydra uprising, about the parts of shield that survived, about her own death. although... ]
You ought to tell me what year it last was. For you. [ she turns on a heel; she gestures with a hand. ] I've no intention of inadvertently telling you something you yourself shouldn't know.
[ her confidence is smooth and cemented: peggy carter treats it like a matter of fact that she might very well know more about the 21st century than he does. ]
no subject
that begs the question: what's so terrible about his own future she'd refuse to tell him? ❱
I'd... Project Insight was thwarted. That's the last thing I remember from home.
❰ he hadn't missed the way she neatly avoided commenting on bucky. bringing him up again, rehashing the fight on the helicarrier — it's pointless, and apparently not something peggy wants to hear about. fair enough; he'll keep it succinct. ❱
What's the furthest forward you're aware of?
no subject
...peggy wonders whether she's still alive. her funeral was always one of the few details she'd almost willingly avoided pinning to a particular date. ]
I've learned details from as far forward as 2018.
[ and steve's not wrong. it's all terribly unfair. but she's walked this gauntlet before him -- experiencing the pain that might accompany learning things out of order -- and every time it happens, now, she finds herself that little bit more understanding of rip hunter's inclination towards chronological stewardship. to that end: ]
But it can be dangerous to know too much about one's own future. Lord knows I have enough experience to testify to that effect some ten times over.