[ she steams. and for a good long time -- boiling, rumbling, almost quaking with it. she can feel this hard division in her heart. uncertainty is death to an operative like herself, but she's been feeling it ever since she'd 'accepted' her shadow.
pretending like someone else's opinion doesn't matter -- never matters -- is what got her into this mess. ignoring tony's, now, will only dig her deeper. but it's ages later that she makes an attempt to eat crow.
and she doesn't do it by video, but by text. ]
I never wanted you to have that conversation for me. Never. Tony -- what happened, in the end? Did you make your peace with your shadow? Did you try to kill it?
[ him. ]
Mister Hunter was with me when mine ambushed us. That's all this was about. You can understand, I hope, why I don't much want to discuss it.
[ it's...so close to an apology. so bloody close. ]
No, I didn't. I was by myself, it nearly killed me. F.R.I.D.A.Y took charge of the suit and got us out of there. That's the truth, here it is, that's everything that happened.
I don't want you to tell me about your shadow or about whatever this is, trust me. You want your space? I'll give it. You don't want to talk about things? I won't ask. but you can tell other people that, too. that way, they won't go looking for you and then blame me for not caring enough about you.
that's it. I passed the message along. you don't have to tell me anything, I'm not asking.
[ she envies him for having fought his. peggy's begun to think that maybe she should have made the braver attempt -- because it is painful carrying on the wake of having some of her worst insecurities dredged up from the depths. it's a vulnerability she's unaccustomed to feeling, and one she hates to broadcast.
and it's one she was forced to share with another human being. ]
I know you care, Tony. Whether anyone else knows it shouldn't matter. [ which (she realizes too late) sounds as though she's scolding him in the pursuit of making peace. a misstep, and one she seeks to correct almost immediately. ] I'm glad you survived. I should have offered to stick with you -- but I was rattled and I was knocked down and I'm ashamed of both. Much like how I'm ashamed you got dragged into...this.
It won't happen again.
[ peggy just hasn't yet decided how she'll ensure a lack of a repeat performance -- either by severing something entirely, or else through some strongly worded warnings. ]
[ but it does. he's been compromised. much like he was with wanda. you could have done more, that was the theme back then and tony doesn't want to remember the time he told his shadow to leave him alone only to be reminded that, you are alone. pepper left, your team disbanded, you know who can you unite them. dad knew it, too. if he comes here, it'll only take a day for him to do what you can't. you can only lead the world to one destiny, you've seen where. you can never inspire hope, only death. ]
I've been accused of worse. only those people were right. I can take it when they're right.
[ but this was wrong, all of it. of course he cares but always, always, he also cares about his legacy, about being the villain of a great story. his father's disappointment and now - ]
no, it won't. if it happens again, I'm putting the suit on and I go for a punch. I got a warning from you, pass this one along.
[ it's easier to be angry. it was one accusation too many, one that was meant to make him act. but tony stark loathes emotional manipulation with the fury of a thousand burning suns. no matter who it comes from. ]
it has nothing to do with you. it has everything to do with me.
[ he's done being compromised, taking the blame from shadows wearing his face ( or was it his father's? ) or from complete strangers. ]
[ ...pass this one along, tony says, and peggy swears under her breath. this is going to end with her doing the one thing she'd resolved not to do tonight. if only because there's a fire that needs putting out and somewhere, somewhere!, along the line that fire became about how much of a child tony stark seems to think she is.
she'd love to get properly mad at him. truly, she would. but for once peggy's not certain she can spare it. doubly not when he goes on to claim his damage. christ alive. ]
If it happens again, you'll have to get in queue behind me.
[ she pinches the bridge of her nose and slumps back on her bed -- holding the phone above her while she types. there's no one here to stay poised for. ]
Thank you. For not giving away my address. I assume that's what he was after.
[ -- in hindsight, she can see the one branching possibility that she'd ignored when she'd first decided on this course of (in)action. and presumably the absence of a disappointed rip hunter on her doorstep means tony did right by her.
[ it's like raising five or six children and a teenager besides. tony rolls his eyes, feels like he's back in 4th grade but still, ]
you're welcome, I guess.
[ well-mannered and professional and perhaps just a bit distant. he rather not risk his own temper all over again. honestly, he's too old for these nonsense. ]
but she knows when not to push a topic. her career maturity provides her with that signal when her personal maturity does not. peggy doesn't want to put this conversation to bed angry, however, and so she devises a distraction for them both. ]
[ it takes a while, a lengthy while. He records another audio session, lets F.R.I.D.A.Y keep the records of the telling of the latest event and the ghost that looked like him ( looked like his father ). He doesn't shy away from his failure to see it through. If this was an experiment then F.R.I.D.A.Y did well while tony did terribly.
[ oh, she does not like being made to wait. if she suffers it now, it's only because she'd suffered it before with howard. ]
I was hoping you'd have spare example of an integrated circuit sitting around. Something I could have a look at. Not tonight, obviously, but...
[ tony has been putting reading materials into her hands, after all. physics textbooks and computer science primers. most of it is as good as greek to her -- even the more basic chapters depend upon bits of knowledge she simply doesn't possess. but a microchip? that sounds tantalizingly within reach of her own decade's science.
and it seems like it might be just the right kind of olive branch to remind tony that -- ultimately -- she aims to keep her eye on the ball. ]
[ he knows there is a deeper truth here, the real source of his frustration. It has nothing to do with her, not directly anyway, and he shouldn't be punishing her for it. The truth of the matter is simple, he will always be a reminder of a father he resents and furthermore, in the depths of his heart tony begins to understand that he must stop expecting to see the woman he once knew. She met him at 47, the woman he remembers knew him since before he could walk. But accepting this also means that he has to accept that this person is really gone and that they will never see each other again.
Or...maybe two. One to take apart and another to show me how to put it back together again. The magnifying glass I can get from the closet -- it, at least, I know how to conjure.
[ he did much of the same as a child. Lacking much attention and playmates, he took things apart and rebuilt them. When he was 8, tony stark built his first creation, a something out of nothing and that had remained his greatest love in life, build and create and innovate. ]
well, they're all on the workshop table. You can pick whatever two that aren't frayed.
[ bollocks. she's crying wolf. inviting him to get on her case for something -- anything -- else that doesn't make her stomach churn quite so anxiously. ]
That way, the master suite is also available, too. Two birds. One stone.
[ they were pepper's favorites, her own picks for a holiday. tony barely gave the purchase a thought. that way, she always had a room when she had to travel for business-purposes, too, ]
[ oh, hell. trust a stark to get into the hotelier business just to have a place to stay that's up to snuff. but the comparison, the connection, isn't a prudent one to make given the mess with their -- his -- shadow. so she keeps it to herself. ]
And do you also take such a personal interest in furnishing those master suites? I've settled on a dresser, by the way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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pretending like someone else's opinion doesn't matter -- never matters -- is what got her into this mess. ignoring tony's, now, will only dig her deeper. but it's ages later that she makes an attempt to eat crow.
and she doesn't do it by video, but by text. ]
I never wanted you to have that conversation for me. Never. Tony -- what happened, in the end? Did you make your peace with your shadow? Did you try to kill it?
[ him. ]
Mister Hunter was with me when mine ambushed us. That's all this was about. You can understand, I hope, why I don't much want to discuss it.
[ it's...so close to an apology. so bloody close. ]
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I don't want you to tell me about your shadow or about whatever this is, trust me. You want your space? I'll give it. You don't want to talk about things? I won't ask. but you can tell other people that, too. that way, they won't go looking for you and then blame me for not caring enough about you.
that's it. I passed the message along. you don't have to tell me anything, I'm not asking.
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and it's one she was forced to share with another human being. ]
I know you care, Tony. Whether anyone else knows it shouldn't matter. [ which (she realizes too late) sounds as though she's scolding him in the pursuit of making peace. a misstep, and one she seeks to correct almost immediately. ] I'm glad you survived. I should have offered to stick with you -- but I was rattled and I was knocked down and I'm ashamed of both. Much like how I'm ashamed you got dragged into...this.
It won't happen again.
[ peggy just hasn't yet decided how she'll ensure a lack of a repeat performance -- either by severing something entirely, or else through some strongly worded warnings. ]
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[ but it does. he's been compromised. much like he was with wanda. you could have done more, that was the theme back then and tony doesn't want to remember the time he told his shadow to leave him alone only to be reminded that, you are alone. pepper left, your team disbanded, you know who can you unite them. dad knew it, too. if he comes here, it'll only take a day for him to do what you can't. you can only lead the world to one destiny, you've seen where. you can never inspire hope, only death. ]
I've been accused of worse. only those people were right. I can take it when they're right.
[ but this was wrong, all of it. of course he cares but always, always, he also cares about his legacy, about being the villain of a great story. his father's disappointment and now - ]
no, it won't. if it happens again, I'm putting the suit on and I go for a punch. I got a warning from you, pass this one along.
[ it's easier to be angry. it was one accusation too many, one that was meant to make him act. but tony stark loathes emotional manipulation with the fury of a thousand burning suns. no matter who it comes from. ]
it has nothing to do with you. it has everything to do with me.
[ he's done being compromised, taking the blame from shadows wearing his face ( or was it his father's? ) or from complete strangers. ]
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she'd love to get properly mad at him. truly, she would. but for once peggy's not certain she can spare it. doubly not when he goes on to claim his damage. christ alive. ]
If it happens again, you'll have to get in queue behind me.
[ she pinches the bridge of her nose and slumps back on her bed -- holding the phone above her while she types. there's no one here to stay poised for. ]
Thank you. For not giving away my address. I assume that's what he was after.
[ -- in hindsight, she can see the one branching possibility that she'd ignored when she'd first decided on this course of (in)action. and presumably the absence of a disappointed rip hunter on her doorstep means tony did right by her.
good lad. ]
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you're welcome, I guess.
[ well-mannered and professional and perhaps just a bit distant. he rather not risk his own temper all over again. honestly, he's too old for these nonsense. ]
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but she knows when not to push a topic. her career maturity provides her with that signal when her personal maturity does not. peggy doesn't want to put this conversation to bed angry, however, and so she devises a distraction for them both. ]
While I have you on the line...
[ she'll wait to see if he'll bite. ]
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He addresses all of this recordings to Pepper. ]
what is it?
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I was hoping you'd have spare example of an integrated circuit sitting around. Something I could have a look at. Not tonight, obviously, but...
[ tony has been putting reading materials into her hands, after all. physics textbooks and computer science primers. most of it is as good as greek to her -- even the more basic chapters depend upon bits of knowledge she simply doesn't possess. but a microchip? that sounds tantalizingly within reach of her own decade's science.
and it seems like it might be just the right kind of olive branch to remind tony that -- ultimately -- she aims to keep her eye on the ball. ]
Soon.
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It's so very obvious but he ignores it still. ]
I have about a hundred of them.
1/2
2/2
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well, they're all on the workshop table. You can pick whatever two that aren't frayed.
[ wonderland doesn't make creation easy. ]
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[ a joke -- and a bad one -- because by all accounts it feels much more like she's been somehow demoted in his esteem. ]
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Just try and leave the robots alone.
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[ they prod her, tony! ]
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They're programmed to get the job done. Nothing personal. They're very polite, totally respectful.
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[ bollocks. she's crying wolf. inviting him to get on her case for something -- anything -- else that doesn't make her stomach churn quite so anxiously. ]
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[ -- my, my, stark industries has diversified hasn't it? ]
Terribly lovely ones, I take it.
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That way, the master suite is also available, too. Two birds. One stone.
[ they were pepper's favorites, her own picks for a holiday. tony barely gave the purchase a thought. that way, she always had a room when she had to travel for business-purposes, too, ]
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And do you also take such a personal interest in furnishing those master suites? I've settled on a dresser, by the way.
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I'm not the one who redesigns them if they don't. I have someone on that end.
[ or at least, he had. ]
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