You know, I believe I'm beginning to tire of the word.
[ badass. it keeps cropping up. and perhaps she should feel flattered -- but mostly she still feels flummoxed. it's a strange position to be in, still, to have gone from barely any recognition back home to an surfeit of admiration here. and most of it feels undeserved. ]
Besides, I don't know a Miss Croft. You'll have to explain yourself a bit more.
[ but she is glad to see him -- and him out of his suit -- and it feels like an old habit when she grips him by his arm and leans upward to put a friendly little kiss on his cheek. it's the sort of gesture that would have been perfectly ordinary between howard and herself back home. ]
[ what? it's a perfectly acceptable way to greet another person. doubly so when you're family -- or 'family' as the case may be. god knows, if michael was still alive, peggy would greet her brother with a kiss on his cheek and a slap on his shoulder.
still. there's something satisfying about getting the best of tony stark, if only for a moment. she swallows her smile. ]
A game? [ wait, is this one of those... ] Like a video game. I've heard of those.
Just one? there are hundreds of them. I never liked those. I'd play Mario Karts though. Man, you'd like the Mario bros. that game's fun.
[ it's easy to talk about mario karts and lara croft and things that make no difference to anyone else, not really. easier than everything that's waiting back at the mansion. ]
I mean I could probably build a house out here. I could have a porch and watch over everyone's sorry asses at the mansion.
[ she really only understands about half of what he says, at first. so it's just as well that he slides into some chatter about keeping distance -- of divorcing himself, in a sense, from mansion life. peggy sucks in a breath. ]
I imagine it would get rather lonely. [ a beat. ] But no neighbours might certainly be an advantage. And you've already started on the landscaping.
[ it nudges them just that fraction of an inch closer to the matter at hand. ]
[ he can read between the lines with this one. pepper is but a total stranger to her. tony knows he's a part of it, knows it well enough to acknowledge and be grateful for it. ]
that's mostly what I said, too. but it's probably best if she has someone to call who's not her ex-boyfriend.
[ he can't blast things, not when he's out of the suit. he kicks a patch of grass for good measure. ]
It's one thing, me being here. but the one person I [ love ], is right here where people can die five times and lose all their memories.
[ she nods her response to his gratitude. one singular nod -- one brief acknowledgement -- before he goes on to describe to her how their reunion went. if it can be called that. from experience, peggy can absolutely agree that pepper will need someone to lean on who isn't a source of heartfelt confusion. ]
It's a dreadful feeling, isn't it?
[ feeling that division between yourself and the one person you love. seeing them here -- worse yet, seeing that the future has them, too. steve had been here some three years before peggy had arrived, and the whole notion had still driven her to distraction. ]
Cards on the table - okay that's a weird thing to say in a place where cards can talk.
[ it's all a bit creepy if you stop to think about it. ]
But cards on the table, I don't sleep, I probably drink too much and I do the one thing I know how to do, I work.
[ but that's not good enough and tony knows that. ]
I'm not enough. I don't even know if I can keep her safe from the shapeshifters and the monsters and the mirrors and the zombies and whatever else is out there.
[ oh, tony, darling. those aren't cards that needed to be laid out; she'd sussed it all out within the first week. but she lets him say it because he needs to say it, even though she suspects he ought to be saying it to someone else. ]
You're describing two very different issues: your sense of self-worth, and her safety. Conflating the two won't do either of you any good. Trust me.
She and I went a long way together and historically speaking, most of the things that tried to kill me also tried to kill her.
[ this is no different except he and pepper aren't a team anymore. and worse than that - ]
the metals the closets give aren't good enough, the technology isn't good enough. I can't create anything to keep her from dying here. even if I wanted to build six new iron man suits, I can't.
[ and he won't trust anyone else with this task, so much is clear. ]
[ there's the suit, standing stationary in the background. and peggy imagines he can send it off at will. so she takes tony by his arm as though she'd like to go walking with him -- away from the checkerboard hills, on some circuitous route back to the mansion. ]
So think a little smaller. [ she exhales; the breath mists on the cold air. ] Although God knows that doesn't come naturally to a Stark.
[ peggy should ask whether he'll be cold or not walking as he is -- but she doesn't. either he'll suck it up or he'll complain. ]
She can keep herself safe enough with one though she doesn't owe one and I'm not going to be the one offering one to her.
[ he does, indeed, send the suit off, mumbling back home to his watch which is enough to send it flying ahead. ]
but someone shared some great news with me lately. they said some events take away weapons. so now all we can do is try out luck in martial arts. I do boxing, you know.
Some do, yes. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a good idea to start sleeping with a pistol within arm's reach.
[ doesn't change the fact that it's also a good idea to brush up on one's hand-to-hand capabilities. but peggy doesn't need to oversell her own skills in that ring. ]
Gun or no gun, all I am saying is that there are no guarantees during these events. As much as we might want to be able to protect each other, our best bet is still being prepared to defend ourselves. That said--
It ought to go without saying that I'll be keeping an eye out for her, Tony. When I can.
[ all tony seems to do is fail the woman he loves. it's a theme by now. he tries to do better but then again, it always comes back to this. to tony being iron man, to tony being tony. ]
you know, I stood better chances against this place when you were my only number one lady.
[ he nudges her - an elbow against her ribs. he's smiling, at least. ]
[ she meets his nudge -- right into her ribs -- with a roll of her eyes and a swallowed smile. she realizes she shouldn't let tony off her hook so easily; he's got more to process than simply this, and she knows better than to stand back and watch him charm his way out of this conversation. ]
'Number one lady,' what a load of crock. [ ... ] Take it back or you'll start wishing you were still wearing the armour.
Genuine and honest it may be -- [ it's remarkable that she gives him that much, but maybe she wants it genuine and honest. she craves that bit of sincerity -- and no doubt courted it, just a little, when she'd greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. ]
But it's deflection all the same. You can't possibly think I'm so easily distracted. Flattery won't turn me off the topic.
[ and she doesn't shrink back from his look. instead, she meets it -- eyes lifting because of the difference in height. she curls a gloved hand around his elbow, pretending like she needs the extra support to keep from slipping in the snow.
truth is, she's more interesting in stopping him from storming off. ]
You're missing the part where we decide, together, what you're going to do about it.
[ -- not about the break, really. that's not peggy's business. but his sleep schedule and his pain and his overprotective nature that only feeds his guilt complex. ]
[ it's a state of being by now. occasionally better, occasionally worse. ]
I didn't have an anxiety attack in a month. I'm fine. the no sleep thing - it's not going to go away. it's been like that for years. I close my eyes and I see the end of the path. I can't change that.
[ and tony doubts anything will. ]
I've been worse than this. I'm not sure I can get better.
[ his protests don't fall on deaf ears. he's not wrong -- it's not a bad thing to acknowledge improvement, even if improvement doesn't actually fix the problem. but... ]
I think -- I think I want to believe that all of us can get better. [ she feels it bubble up like a borrowed philosophy. like a funny hidden twinge of optimism that was shared with her, once.
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[ badass. it keeps cropping up. and perhaps she should feel flattered -- but mostly she still feels flummoxed. it's a strange position to be in, still, to have gone from barely any recognition back home to an surfeit of admiration here. and most of it feels undeserved. ]
Besides, I don't know a Miss Croft. You'll have to explain yourself a bit more.
[ but she is glad to see him -- and him out of his suit -- and it feels like an old habit when she grips him by his arm and leans upward to put a friendly little kiss on his cheek. it's the sort of gesture that would have been perfectly ordinary between howard and herself back home. ]
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[ video games, he was about to say before she went ahead and - ]
this - never mind.
[ he looks at his feet, chases away a undeniable flush to his cheeks. she could at least warn him before -- ]
she's a character from a game. there was a movie, too.
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still. there's something satisfying about getting the best of tony stark, if only for a moment. she swallows her smile. ]
A game? [ wait, is this one of those... ] Like a video game. I've heard of those.
[ she retreats back into her own space. ]
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[ so what if tony stark had a thing for lara croft growing up, shut up. ]
I mean, I'd show you if this place didn't insist on leaving us without any forms of technological entertainment.
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Agent Fitz told me about one where people play as soldiers -- I didn't think they had actual characters.
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[ it's easy to talk about mario karts and lara croft and things that make no difference to anyone else, not really. easier than everything that's waiting back at the mansion. ]
I mean I could probably build a house out here. I could have a porch and watch over everyone's sorry asses at the mansion.
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I imagine it would get rather lonely. [ a beat. ] But no neighbours might certainly be an advantage. And you've already started on the landscaping.
[ it nudges them just that fraction of an inch closer to the matter at hand. ]
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[ it's not even that horrible of a damage when you think about it. he would have gladly blasted wonderland's ass if he knew where it was. ]
you talked to her?
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[ she shoves her gloved hands in her pockets. her chin dips. ]
I wanted to make certain she knew what she'd been thrust into -- and that she could call on me, if she needed to.
[ an offer made for tony's sake, too. ]
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[ he can read between the lines with this one. pepper is but a total stranger to her. tony knows he's a part of it, knows it well enough to acknowledge and be grateful for it. ]
that's mostly what I said, too. but it's probably best if she has someone to call who's not her ex-boyfriend.
[ he can't blast things, not when he's out of the suit. he kicks a patch of grass for good measure. ]
It's one thing, me being here. but the one person I [ love ], is right here where people can die five times and lose all their memories.
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It's a dreadful feeling, isn't it?
[ feeling that division between yourself and the one person you love. seeing them here -- worse yet, seeing that the future has them, too. steve had been here some three years before peggy had arrived, and the whole notion had still driven her to distraction. ]
But I promise you're not alone in having felt it.
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[ it's all a bit creepy if you stop to think about it. ]
But cards on the table, I don't sleep, I probably drink too much and I do the one thing I know how to do, I work.
[ but that's not good enough and tony knows that. ]
I'm not enough. I don't even know if I can keep her safe from the shapeshifters and the monsters and the mirrors and the zombies and whatever else is out there.
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You're describing two very different issues: your sense of self-worth, and her safety. Conflating the two won't do either of you any good. Trust me.
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[ this is no different except he and pepper aren't a team anymore. and worse than that - ]
the metals the closets give aren't good enough, the technology isn't good enough. I can't create anything to keep her from dying here. even if I wanted to build six new iron man suits, I can't.
[ and he won't trust anyone else with this task, so much is clear. ]
I can't watch her die here.
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So think a little smaller. [ she exhales; the breath mists on the cold air. ] Although God knows that doesn't come naturally to a Stark.
[ peggy should ask whether he'll be cold or not walking as he is -- but she doesn't. either he'll suck it up or he'll complain. ]
How is her aim? Can she fire a gun?
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[ he does, indeed, send the suit off, mumbling back home to his watch which is enough to send it flying ahead. ]
but someone shared some great news with me lately. they said some events take away weapons. so now all we can do is try out luck in martial arts. I do boxing, you know.
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[ doesn't change the fact that it's also a good idea to brush up on one's hand-to-hand capabilities. but peggy doesn't need to oversell her own skills in that ring. ]
Gun or no gun, all I am saying is that there are no guarantees during these events. As much as we might want to be able to protect each other, our best bet is still being prepared to defend ourselves. That said--
It ought to go without saying that I'll be keeping an eye out for her, Tony. When I can.
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[ all tony seems to do is fail the woman he loves. it's a theme by now. he tries to do better but then again, it always comes back to this. to tony being iron man, to tony being tony. ]
you know, I stood better chances against this place when you were my only number one lady.
[ he nudges her - an elbow against her ribs. he's smiling, at least. ]
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[ she meets his nudge -- right into her ribs -- with a roll of her eyes and a swallowed smile. she realizes she shouldn't let tony off her hook so easily; he's got more to process than simply this, and she knows better than to stand back and watch him charm his way out of this conversation. ]
'Number one lady,' what a load of crock. [ ... ] Take it back or you'll start wishing you were still wearing the armour.
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[ he bites back on another smile in favor of a dramatic shake of his head. ]
seriously? you're going to have to make me take back a genuine, honest declaration of affection?
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But it's deflection all the same. You can't possibly think I'm so easily distracted. Flattery won't turn me off the topic.
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[ the state of the grass says just about enough, surely. ]
Pepper's here. I am going to get even less sleep than usual, I am depressingly sober and we're still on a break.
[ he gives her a look. ]
am I missing anything else?
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truth is, she's more interesting in stopping him from storming off. ]
You're missing the part where we decide, together, what you're going to do about it.
[ -- not about the break, really. that's not peggy's business. but his sleep schedule and his pain and his overprotective nature that only feeds his guilt complex. ]
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[ it's a state of being by now. occasionally better, occasionally worse. ]
I didn't have an anxiety attack in a month. I'm fine. the no sleep thing - it's not going to go away. it's been like that for years. I close my eyes and I see the end of the path. I can't change that.
[ and tony doubts anything will. ]
I've been worse than this. I'm not sure I can get better.
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I think -- I think I want to believe that all of us can get better. [ she feels it bubble up like a borrowed philosophy. like a funny hidden twinge of optimism that was shared with her, once.
softer, she adds: ] Even you.
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