I wish the director was here. He's always known what to say to make everyone come together. We're all a bit lost without him.
[He bites the edge of his thumbnail.]
But we aren't the ones who need help. It's about the lot of them. And every time one of them suffers and dies, that's on our heads for not rallying together and being the shield.
[ being the shield. the more she hears it, the more she fears the reason behind the name. how glaringly sentimental; peggy's almost embarrassed by the easy connection that might be made between the object, the man who carried it, and the letters put in that particular order.
and as for fitz's earnest desire to help! well. it isn't always possible to help those who don't want to be helped. she hasn't been here long enough to know whether or not his assessment is sound. rather than nitpick and argue for the sake of it, she herds him back to a subject that might see him speak a little more brightly. ]
Would you tell me about him? Your director. [ a pause. ] That ought to be a safe enough subject.
[He smiles, genuinely. It isn't often that he has the opportunity to gush about one of his favorite people.]
He's patient, and fair... But more than people usually understand. I've worked with him since before his promotion. He knows when to be stern and when to be soft. He knows when to push me and make me keep going when I'm ready to give up. He knows exactly what to say no matter who he's talking to. And the biggest Captain America fan I've ever known.
[He's like the father he's always wished for.]
Keeps the base far too bloody cold, though. You might as well bring ice skates to work.
[ he sounds wonderful. and lodged in her chest is a burst of warmth for something that might yet be. something worthwhile, even if she still finds it difficult to stomach her part in its creation. she's never felt like the sort of person who built things or grew things or brought things into existence. rather, she's been a breaker all her life: rules; codes; noses.
maybe, in time, she could be like the man fitz describes. patient and fair. although she'll leave the 'fan' element to someone else. peggy carter may be steve rogers's biggest fan, but she cares a great deal less about captain america. the two remain ever separate in her thoughts. ]
He must be quite a man to work with. [ with, not for. although she finds it telling that fitz should find himself so familiar with shield's director that he can speak so familiarly about the man. it says something about fitz's stature within the organization, even if he'd not meant to express it. ] Decent leaders are difficult to find in any time, I imagine.
[ there's no mistaking who he means. the captain. peggy's attention snags on the word -- and although it's well guarded, there's nevertheless a spark of investment found in her reaction.
fitz says so little, and yet offers so much. it's as if someone held out a box of chocolates; she can't help herself. ]
[ -- oh, steve. he was a man from whom the very world had taken a great deal well before she'd met him. no medical marvel or serum could ever give back to him the things he'd lost. peggy's lips press into a thin line. it's harder, maybe, to stay stoic on this subject compared to nearly any other. in these waters, her passions rule her best. ]
Has he been here as long as you have? [ a beat. ] Longer, perhaps?
[ because if length of stay is the thrust of fitz's explanation for steve's current state, then she can only imagine he must share some inkling of that pain. ]
words can't quite capture the way it hurts deep in her chest when fitz's words only hint at a deeper wellspring of -- of what? dysfunction, possibly, considering how he'd suggested steve's ability to lead has been compromised. ]
Agent Fitz. [ some part of her should likely feel guilt over pumping him for information. peggy silences that small voice with a plaintive reminder that this is steve their talking about. oh, the things she'd do for just another chance at keeping him safe. ] How would you describe Captain Rogers's current state? From the outside, let's say, looking in?
[ he's a shield agent; his training can't be so specific that he can't do some rudimentary profiling at a distance. or so peggy hopes. ]
[It's a complicated question, and the answers aren't pretty. Fitz takes a breath and lets it go, softness going rigid in the name of professionalism.
It's just facts. Peggy Carter deserves facts.]
You're familiar with the way Wonderland harvests memories, yes? That seems to be the understood purpose of our arrival here. It... Feeds from us, essentially. And I believe that the Captain is suffering from extreme damage in that regard. We're aware of a few words that have been taken from him. But there's also behavioral differences. He either can't or won't wear his uniform anymore. He's stopped initiating action when events place us into crisis.
[His voice hitches, and he clears his throat and swallows once before continuing.]
Some of his supporting team died when he began to grow lax.
[ she appreciates his candour, even as every fresh word cuts too deep and draws too much colour to her cheeks. whatever she might have anticipated, it's nothing near this. fitz says 'extreme damage' and peggy can't hide her hard swallow or the way in which her expression twitches briefly toward pain.
-- the uniform seems like a red herring, to her. she sets it aside immediately; what did it ever matter? then again, she's not accustomed to what it might have stood for in the future. everything else, however, is a dire revelation. peggy can't imagine a steve rogers given to inaction.
lax. the accusation makes her stomach churn. ]
Can you tell me? The words he's lost?
[ she doesn't know if fitz has them on hand. why should he? yet, she's compelled to ask. ]
[He doesn't think to ask about why she asks for the information. If she wants it, then she deserves to have it. Perhaps it reflects his willingness to respect a chain of command and fall into line when someone pulls rank.]
"Helicarrier" is the one he's become aware of. Our knowledge of others is speculation at best.
[ -- because how can you ask a man about something he's forgotten? doubly so when that man is one of the more stubborn creatures she's ever had the good fortune to know. then again, perhaps that's changed as well.
[ fitz lends his support so easily. too easily, maybe, although she can't deny it's a wonderful to feel as though someone starts out with faith in her -- rather than rolling her eyes at the uphill climb required just to get an ounce of consideration, back home.
well. this has been a remarkably draining conversation, hasn't it? peggy sighs. then, lapsing back to an earlier thought: ]
[It's ludicrous to think he would consider otherwise. She's Peggy Carter. It would be treason to consider anything other than his fullest support.]
Whiskey? Well. I am Scottish, Ma'am.
[He learned most of his social drinking from beer-swigging Americans, but one does not befriend SHIELD agents without learning one's way around a bar at least in passing.]
Good. [ -- she could lie and say she's partial to scotch, but the truth is that nearly any whiskey will do. bourbon and beyond. ]
We should find some, you and I. What's a holiday on the slopes without a few hot toddies?
[ not the most serious of missions, maybe. but peggy could use the distraction -- just enough to let the wheels of her mind turn on their own in the background. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He bites the edge of his thumbnail.]
But we aren't the ones who need help. It's about the lot of them. And every time one of them suffers and dies, that's on our heads for not rallying together and being the shield.
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and as for fitz's earnest desire to help! well. it isn't always possible to help those who don't want to be helped. she hasn't been here long enough to know whether or not his assessment is sound. rather than nitpick and argue for the sake of it, she herds him back to a subject that might see him speak a little more brightly. ]
Would you tell me about him? Your director. [ a pause. ] That ought to be a safe enough subject.
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[He smiles, genuinely. It isn't often that he has the opportunity to gush about one of his favorite people.]
He's patient, and fair... But more than people usually understand. I've worked with him since before his promotion. He knows when to be stern and when to be soft. He knows when to push me and make me keep going when I'm ready to give up. He knows exactly what to say no matter who he's talking to. And the biggest Captain America fan I've ever known.
[He's like the father he's always wished for.]
Keeps the base far too bloody cold, though. You might as well bring ice skates to work.
no subject
maybe, in time, she could be like the man fitz describes. patient and fair. although she'll leave the 'fan' element to someone else. peggy carter may be steve rogers's biggest fan, but she cares a great deal less about captain america. the two remain ever separate in her thoughts. ]
He must be quite a man to work with. [ with, not for. although she finds it telling that fitz should find himself so familiar with shield's director that he can speak so familiarly about the man. it says something about fitz's stature within the organization, even if he'd not meant to express it. ] Decent leaders are difficult to find in any time, I imagine.
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[There's the rub, though.]
The Captain is an incredible leader, I think. Well. He used to be.
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fitz says so little, and yet offers so much. it's as if someone held out a box of chocolates; she can't help herself. ]
Used to be?
[ the words are tight. ]
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I think that Wonderland's taken much from him. He's been here for quite a long time.
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Has he been here as long as you have? [ a beat. ] Longer, perhaps?
[ because if length of stay is the thrust of fitz's explanation for steve's current state, then she can only imagine he must share some inkling of that pain. ]
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[He squirms restlessly.]
But I hope he still does.
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words can't quite capture the way it hurts deep in her chest when fitz's words only hint at a deeper wellspring of -- of what? dysfunction, possibly, considering how he'd suggested steve's ability to lead has been compromised. ]
Agent Fitz. [ some part of her should likely feel guilt over pumping him for information. peggy silences that small voice with a plaintive reminder that this is steve their talking about. oh, the things she'd do for just another chance at keeping him safe. ] How would you describe Captain Rogers's current state? From the outside, let's say, looking in?
[ he's a shield agent; his training can't be so specific that he can't do some rudimentary profiling at a distance. or so peggy hopes. ]
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It's just facts. Peggy Carter deserves facts.]
You're familiar with the way Wonderland harvests memories, yes? That seems to be the understood purpose of our arrival here. It... Feeds from us, essentially. And I believe that the Captain is suffering from extreme damage in that regard. We're aware of a few words that have been taken from him. But there's also behavioral differences. He either can't or won't wear his uniform anymore. He's stopped initiating action when events place us into crisis.
[His voice hitches, and he clears his throat and swallows once before continuing.]
Some of his supporting team died when he began to grow lax.
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-- the uniform seems like a red herring, to her. she sets it aside immediately; what did it ever matter? then again, she's not accustomed to what it might have stood for in the future. everything else, however, is a dire revelation. peggy can't imagine a steve rogers given to inaction.
lax. the accusation makes her stomach churn. ]
Can you tell me? The words he's lost?
[ she doesn't know if fitz has them on hand. why should he? yet, she's compelled to ask. ]
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"Helicarrier" is the one he's become aware of. Our knowledge of others is speculation at best.
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[ -- because how can you ask a man about something he's forgotten? doubly so when that man is one of the more stubborn creatures she's ever had the good fortune to know. then again, perhaps that's changed as well.
peggy frowns. ]
I'll find out the rest.
[ she's determined. ]
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[ He nods firmly. ]
I've every confidence that will be the case.
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well. this has been a remarkably draining conversation, hasn't it? peggy sighs. then, lapsing back to an earlier thought: ]
-- Are you a whiskey drinker, Agent Fitz?
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Whiskey? Well. I am Scottish, Ma'am.
[He learned most of his social drinking from beer-swigging Americans, but one does not befriend SHIELD agents without learning one's way around a bar at least in passing.]
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We should find some, you and I. What's a holiday on the slopes without a few hot toddies?
[ not the most serious of missions, maybe. but peggy could use the distraction -- just enough to let the wheels of her mind turn on their own in the background. ]